"The Razor's Edge"

I often say it's like walking a razor's edge. Sanity and insanity. Real or not. Why a razor's edge? Unlike walking a fence where it's either one side or the other, a razor can split you. With BPD you can find yourself divided between the two sides and not always in half.

What I mean isn't an ethereal or deeply philosophical thing. It's simply that the mind blurs the realms together. A borderline often experiences dissociation or "Missing time." Caught in a day dream while taking notes in a class, you don't realize you had drifted off until the bell rings or the people around you are gathering their things.

It's sort of like this... Many people have postulated that the thing we experience as life, is really the dream of another. Sometimes the Borderline goes so far as to actually believe they are unreal. The postulation becomes their reality . They don't realize they are real. They wonder why they can't feel some things and why other things are felt so intensely. Am I real? Is what they ask themselves daily. They wake from sleep and wonder if it's one of those dreams that they keep thinking they are awake only to find it another dream. (This is one of the reasons for self-injury. If you can feel it you are real or the pinch that wakes you from a dream.)

It's like a radio station fading in and out. You're in reality, you're not. You're lucidly sane, you ponder that your universe is just a marble in a game in a much bigger picture imagined. You're an actor in a role, then you become that character and your self becomes distorted. You become the very thing you've pretended to be and now you can't find yourself.