Mike

This is from a letter I wrote to a guy friend. I am hoping he will understand why I needed to write this to him. I loved him. I wanted to be with him. I wrote his parents thanking them for raising him so well. Now, years later, I felt I had to tell him how his words effected me.

I was thinking earlier about how things went when you came to see me in Myrtle Creek. It was not the best situation. My dad was there working on a water main. My brother, my sister in law, brother her, brother her dad and the baby were there and I had my friend Kat living with us. I had just been out fixing the pipe with my dad and my nice clothes got dirty so I was in sweats when you came. It was just bad. Then I remember you telling me I was not womanly enough for you.

I thought that was odd, since I was only myself the whole time I had known you and I didn't understand how seeing me at home (and under stress) made you think of me as unwomanly. So I tried to make myself the kind of Godly woman you might want. I worked hard studying women in the Bible and reading books on being a Godly woman. I told you all about it, but it seemed like you had made up your mind. I tried my best to be what I thought you wanted.

Then I fell away from God and away from the hope of having a man in my life. I lived for several years in same sex relationships. Always feeling there were things missing. At the same time I was with women, I was attracted to men. But I was too insecure to make a move on a shy guy. So I languished and became ill.

Now I am living with a wonderful woman. She is my best friend, my mirror to reflect beauty from. We speak of God and study scripture and it is wonderful to be drawn back to a place of Godliness. Also, I have learned about dressing a little more feminine without having to give up comfort. It is nice to wear a feminine top and nice jeans and tall boots to a dinner.

Anyway, I am rambling. I hope all is well for you . I will pray for you and your grant writing. I wish you all the best.

Love,
KAT