Secrets I Keep

There are secrets I have hidden away in the corners of my mind. Memories of things I experienced that I sometimes wish I could share. But I am ashamed. I am afraid. I guess it's the borderline in me. So fearful I will be rejected by the ones I love that I do not dare to reveal these secret torments from my past.

How does one remain whole, when the thing that eats her up cannot be revealed?

It is like a disease. A worm, eating away at the tissues of normal life. It makes the whole in my brain grow daily. The secrets threatening to spill forth from it.

Mostly the worm sleeps. The memories are safe and secured and push aside while the worm is in active. But other times, the ravenous worm threatens to destroy me. It eats at the walls I've placed about these memories and I long to tell, to somehow get it all out. As if that will make me a whole person.

Really what good would it it do to tell? I do not want bad feelings between myself and those who exposed me to the secrets. It has been so long. I wonder if they remember? Or is the secret only my burdon?