Vacation Vacancy

I know it seems silly to feel vacant and alone when you've only been a day without a person. It may seem silly to miss them at all when they will only be gone for two weeks and you speak on the phone daily. But then again, most people do not think and feel the way I do.

When I first moved here, the one I love was away for weeks at a time getting things settled with the old place and finishing moving. She missed my birthday. Then Valentines Day. I had nothing here at first. Then the place was filled with her things and that made me miss her more when she went to see family for 2 weeks.

Recently we went on vacation in Oregon. I had a really good time and I was excited to show her around where I used to live and have her meet my remaining family. We had a lot of fun and some stresses while looking for housing. When we came home, there was a period of mania that kept me away from her. But then things sorted out and we were spending time together.

It felt like I could never get enough time with her. I wanted to be near her all the time and we spend the nights talking and watching television. We laughed and worked with the bird and went about our days. But inside me, I felt more of a need for her. I felt more connected to her than ever before and I wanted more and more of her attention and affection.

Now she is on vacation. And I miss her presesnce acutely. I don't know why, but it feels as if I have lost my direction. I have no desire to eat or move or wake or sleep once I wake. I just want to be with her. I did take more medicine today and that has helped, but all my thoughts are with her and on her.

I think of her constantly. I feel empty without her here. I long for her touch, her voice and the scent of her hair. I feel alone and lost.

Perhaps it is silly to you. Perhaps not. But my heart is hers. My soul is connected to her. All that I am is for her. And I cannot wait for her to be in my arms again.