The Lost Girl

I have been making plans to go to Australia. So far nothing is set in stone. Aside from the fact that I have been fascinated with Australia as a whole since I was a child, I have some Internet friends that live there. I would love to meet face to face with the people I have been chatting with over the years. I also have a friend who is very ill.

When I was in college, my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer. This was less than a year after my mother died from cancer. She was going through treatments and my dad got the family together to go see her. I was out of state at a private university so I didn't have the money to go. My family offered to pay. I came down with walking pneumonia and I was worried about making my grandmother more ill so I didn't go. She died a short while later.

Right now, I am not in the best financial situation to make a trip half-way around the world. But I am determined not to have any regrets when my friend does pass. I don't want to feel guilty for never seeing her or never attempting to.

I worry that I will get there and there will be excuses not to see me. I worry we will not get along in person. I know, I worry too much. But people are not always what they seem from behind a computer screen. I try to be myself. Most people are fake or at least not as honest as when you are face to face with them.

Also, I have to consider that just to get on a plane, I will need to loose weight. I don't want to run into the embarrassing situation of not fitting in a seat and needing an extender then being charged for another seat.

Since I've not figured it all out yet, I feel like a lost little girl. It's like being thrown into the woods blindfolded and trying to find your way out with no resources. I'm confused, scared, frustrated and I feel very alone in this.