"Circling the Drain"

Most of us know the phrase "Circling the Drain" in reference to death.  I'm not talking about death. I'm thinking of it more like an emotional black hole. 

At the edge, the pull is not so great.  You can fight against the eddy and sometimes break free or at least slow the descent into each tier of increasing pull.  But at some point, your thin tether to happy thoughts, the frail rope of hope can break.  That is when you consciously or unconsciously choose to plunge into the darkness.

Once in the darkness, it's like the eye of the storm.  There is nothing to fight against and you just let everything fall apart.  You drop your pleasantries, your positivity, your hope and let that darkness overtake you. You are no longer fighting or straining.  You stop and collapse into a heap. 

Then the anger, the depression, the fears lash out like tendrils  and hurt the ones closest to you.  Once it comes out, you have no control and hurt those who are trying to love you. 

Looking at the mess left after the emotional storm has passed, you have a lot of clean up. So many apologies, so much to put back together or discard.   You've climbed out of that black hole and see your life broken, your world in chaos and you want to just exist in a bubble.  Every sound, light, touch is too much.  But you want people near.  You need people. The same ones you unleashed your emotional flood onto.  You feel depression and loneliness creep back in. It can be a terrible cycle.

So how can I recover?  

I have to choose to make changes, even when it's hard.  I have to make a plan and work on the areas I've been lacking in.  I have to communicate with my support network because I know I can't do it on my own. I have to remember this darkness so I can talk about it and find a better way the next time it comes.